Lonely Planet™ · Thorn Tree Forum · 2020 |

# relationship in Samoa (girl and palagi) Country forums / Pacific Islands & Papua New Guinea
jirikoo 15:42 UTC 20 Sep 2007 | an odd post i know. what are your experiences wit samoan and generaly polynesian girls an women? here is my story: Ive happened to come across one young girl of a village that apparently fell in love with me. At least she claimed. Ok, since we met she has displayed her sympathy for me. Smiling, waving at me. It all sounded and looked genuine. She told me outright she loved me (it might have slightly different meaning in terms of a relationship, though). well i didnt feel anything towards her but didn't indicate anything either - just letting it flow what was going to come up. Young girl, nervous, wanting to talk to me again. Asked me about my family and so. I was going to leave back for Apia (i had to) so she gave me her phone number. And all of sudden she asked me for 20 TALA on credit for her cell phone. I gave her without celebration. From there on i got her back. Her behavior changed she didnt smile so often anymore moreover she seems more confident and frigid. all happened within three days somethig for whicked tongues: i am not in Samoa to find a samoan maid, find many of them attractive though, im not angry or in love with her, i just wanna hear your opinions and whether i has ever happened to you (mostly from handsome male experts on Samoa:-) |
ozziegiraffe 16:11 UTC 20 Sep 2007 | I am not handsome, male or Samoan, but have been approached by Melanesian men in Honiara. I guess the bottom line is, white people are perceived to be rich and worth catching. However, many mixed marriages have not lasted. My advice is, don't encourage someone who approaches you in this way, until you have known them for a long time. | 1
Laszlo 22:02 UTC 20 Sep 2007 | This is such a standard thing that David Stanley's South Pacific Handbook even used to have a warnings-filled entry titled "Love and Marriage" in the Samoa chapter - though it has now been removed to avoid offending Samoans' sensiblities! ;-) The warnings mostly covered what the girl and her family will expect from the wealthy foreign husband. He also noted that age and appearece of the prospective foreign partner matters very little. To his warnings, I might add that it may be worth looking at what most young Samoan (and other Polynesian) beauties become in 10 years or so: HUGE Mammas! :-( BTW, it defnitely also happens to female visitors to Samoa, too. The Kiwi girl I spent some time with got several marriagge offers within her first 2-3 days there. :-) | 2
watsoff 00:59 UTC 21 Sep 2007 | My previous reply got blown away so apologies if this appears twice: I ditto what Ozzie and Laszlo say, as this has happened to me countless times in both Melanesia and Polynesia (I'm female). At first it's flattering, but you soon learn it isn't really "real." | 3
islandboi321 01:12 UTC 21 Sep 2007 | Ha! Another palagi visitor in Samoa learns the lesson... I did too, the first year I was there. Don't ever assume Samoans are natives who are naive and know nothing of the world. They are as savvy as you and me... and they know where the buttered bread comes from. One thing you should always think of bringing is a picture of a female that you can use to convince the eager Samoan females that you are taken. Of course, you will hear the inevitable "Why is she not with you?". Say "She's at home with her sick mother" or "I'm meeting her in New Zealand"... whatever. <blockquote>Quote <hr>He also noted that age and appearece of the prospective foreign partner matters very little.<hr></blockquote> This is so true... You are seen as a potential walking ATM for her and her family. There are many exceptions, of course, but for short term travellers this is almost always the case. | 4
taranaki_chick 07:11 UTC 21 Sep 2007 | The moral of this story is.....do not ask for or give money. It changes the balance of friendships. I remember years ago a Peace Corp volunteer made up a very funny poem about the two most asked questions he got in Samoa. "Where are you going?" and "Where is your wife?" For any visitor to Samoa thinking of being romantically involved with a Samoan......you need to know that the whole family comes with the spouce. For a poorer family you will be asked to provide for all. Of course there are Samoans in town who come from wealthy business families where it is a different story. Aloha | 5
wksamoa 17:59 UTC 21 Sep 2007 | There is a lot of misconception here. Some remarks only: 1. Movies like "Mutiny on the Bounty" or " Return to Paradise" show the dreams of the Palagi men, not of the Polynesian women. The real Fletcher Christian had to kidnap his Tahitian girl to make her go with him :-) That's a fact. 2. Therefore one should consider the possibility that marrying a Palagi might not be the first choice but the last resort for a Polynesian girl ... Hard to accept but we Western guys might in fact not be the dream partners for everyone else :-) 3. Before jumping to conclusions about the 'proposals' that Polynesian men and women make to Palagi tourists one should first understand a bit of their native language to realize what is common talk between men and women in their own tongue ... Believe me - you have no idea what is common conversation among colleagues at the workplace or between taxi/bus drivers and passengers of the same age. You would not believe your ears. 4. Regarding role models: the many attractive young white 'nieces' of 60+year old white cruise ship passengers regularly arriving in Apia, all sharing a cabin with their respective 'uncle' to give him 'company', clearly prove to all Samoan girls that Palagi girls NEVER have any material perspectives in mind when it comes to relationships and only follow their heart and true love ... Maybe Samoans are only less hypocrite. 5. Asking someone for money is a common pasttime in Samoa and does not mean anything else. It is a very uncommon feeling for Palagi but there are no strings attached to it. It is just a question, nothing else. A simple "Sorry, not today" is enough and just means a polite "No" and not that you do no care for that person and his/her needs, that you are rude, selfish or whatever. You do not have to feel bad about it at all. Either you have funds left and you are in the mood to share them, so do it. If not, just not. It is not important - they only ask. 6. Do not mistaken it: Palagi husbands are not that popular among possible Samoan parents in law at all. Wealthy overseas Samoan husbands are. Because Palagi husbanda might have the money but they sometimes are extremely reluctant to give it - Samoan husbands are more willing to do their duty and share. 7. For about 90% of the World's population it is the most normal and common thing that children take care of the family and that marrying someone means to include that one in the family, not to start a new one that from then on only looks after itself. The Western perspective here is not the rule but the excemption and does only work because the not-directly-giving Western people pay high taxes instead to enable the Government to subsidize pensions and pay benefits to families in their place. Fair enough :-) Jirikoo, please take the above remarks right - they are not meant to offend or critizise someone, especially not you. Just to add another, more Samoan perspective, as all other comments clearly were from the Palagi point of view (of course). I liked very much the sensitive and careful way you handled the situation. Not to jump to early conclusions, asking instead for other's experiences. In general Samoans are the same, sometimes even more shy than other people when it comes to deep feelings and relationship. So there is never anything real substantial happening within a few days only. | 6